I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
