I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
the liver wants what the liver wants
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
