Grow some girl-balls and come out already
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
