I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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