I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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