Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
