just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
