Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
