just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I need water and some morals
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
