At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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