I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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