I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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