hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
