Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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