Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dignity is for republicans.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
