I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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