Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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