piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
