I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
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What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
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I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm like, not good at living.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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