I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
