They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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