Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
