I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
