Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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