I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
