the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
