I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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