I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
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I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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