just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
