I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh god it's open bar.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
