fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
