I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I forget how to act sober
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
