But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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