i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
