I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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