oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
