Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
