We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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