Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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