she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
me + whiskey = a bad person
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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