he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
