woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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