I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
