I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
