just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
