Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
