Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
