he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
