she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
