Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
