My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
