and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
