We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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