Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
