I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
