why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
