His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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