i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
