if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
