You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
