He is an equal opportunity slut.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
