You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize