I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
