I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
