i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
not ubering you a puppy
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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