1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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